I am a relic from an era that never existed.
I don’t know the difference between a premiership and a championship. I have no idea what playoffs are. I can only look on, confused, and hope no one notices my complete ignorance when they talk about tries or runs. “Four for two” sounds like something that would be entered into the Enigma machine, and for ages I was convinced that scoring “a birdie” meant hitting a passing pigeon with the golf ball. Three love sounds like something the hippies did. At least they had the right idea. Not that in would fit in there any better than any where else. Which is to say: not at all.
I would rather have one lasting relationship than “pull lots of birds”. I’m not even sure that isn’t another golf thing. I do not “respect women” because I do not understand why they are treated any differently in the first place. On average women are better at some things than men, and not as good at others, but that is an average and no more descriptive of individuals than saying “human adults are on average 5’6″ tall” accurately describes everyone you meet. I recognise that it is anyone’s right, male or female, to be seen as sexual beings if they wish to and this does not turn them into objects nor is it a betrayal of their gender. However to see or treat someone as nothing but a sexual object reflects an almost wilfully sociopathic lack of insight into other people.
I would rather talk and listen to someone than fight them, no matter how much of an ass they are being. I try to retain my honor and dignity, even though I admit I’m not sure what they even mean. Homophobia, racism, religious intolerance and other forms of persecution of people just for being different really stick in my gut. But I do not react with hate (as much as it may be my instinct) because meeting hostile intolerance with more hostile intolerance can never lead to anything better. I smile at strangers I pass in the street, and talk to anyone I happen to meet. Especially when they are serving me. If someone has got the mundane job of scanning every item of my shopping, the least I can do is ask how their day is going and give them a smile.
I do not have a type of music, I enjoy almost all genres. Except opera. I just don’t get opera. The same with movies and books; as long as they are good within their genre I can appreciate them or at least understand how someone else might. I will never say “That’s shit” because liking things is entirely subjective and I am no better a judge of the objective quality of something than any one else. Except Twilight. That’s shit.
My idea of a good night involves friends and games or movies, not crowded rooms and lack of conversation. It doesn’t require alcohol. I would rather have an evening in with candles and a book than out trying to overcome my insecurities at a pub that smells like beer and sweat. And i never, ever, want to wake up next to half a kebab again.
I have no useful skills. I cannot fix a car or rewire a house. My clothes always get washed on the same setting because I don’t know what the other ones do. I can’t iron for shit. I can’t even paint a shed. I don’t own a shed. I don’t own a house – I rent. I can sew, and write, and even draw. But not very well. I can drive a car, speak another language, and build a fire. But not very well. I can cook. That I do well. Skills wise, generally, I am pretty average.
But I am definitely not your average kind of guy.