The Incredible Melting Man
Greeting humans!
My apologies for the long delay since my last communication, a lot has been happening to me. I was walking down the street on a hot sunny day when I realised something was wrong. It was in fact so hot that my very bones were softening and my skin wag starting to melt off me like a candle in an oven. I pulled my phone out of my pocket to call for help, but as I did so my fingers turned liquid and my phone dropped to the puddle that was once my feet, and started melting also.
“This is it,” I thought to myself as I slowly sunk downwards, “the sun is crashing into the earth and we are all just going to boil away!” By this point I was not much more than a soggy head sitting on a puddle of molten me, and the last thing I thought before my brain trickled out of my nose was “I wonder if I should have worn sun block”
But there were not to be my final thoughts. This was not the end. Through some freak occurence, some twist of heat and proteins like a one off repeat of the primordial “melting pot” from which life first sprung, I survived. Changed, but still alive. The heat of the sun was excruciatingly painful, but through forces unknown to myself I was able to will my liquid form down the nearest drain-hole and into the dark, cool, relief-bringing sewers. I stayed for some time, puddled up in an old discarded tire that chances to float by, and contemplated my new existence. It was obvious that any form of heat was highly detrimental to me, so I learned to avoid direct light and other sources of heat. I have spent the past weeks honing my ability to move myself, and can now travel above ground if I am careful. I also recently learned that somehow I seem to have merged with my phone, and have developed the ability to communicate directly with the internet. It’s not as good as it sounds though, my phone had terrible connection that was flaky as anything – it’s like having one eye shut that that randomly opens for a few minutes then shuts again.
So keep an eye open for me, if you see a wet puddle moving between the shadows be sure to give me a little wave and a smile.
And don’t forget your sunblock.
