The Report
It has been some time since my last full report, so I only hope that you are still checking. As usual I will leave this message etched inside the skull of Sylvester Stallone. It is amazing that despite the amount of accidental brain damage we have caused over the years still no one suspects anything!
I have maintained communication blackout for so long because I have infiltrated deep into enemy territory. All seems to be going well, they seem to have accepted me as one of their own completely unaware that they have an imposter in their midst. I never suspected I would be so successful in my attempts to pass as one of them, although even now every day I am constantly in fear of being exposed as a fraud.
There are many unusual behaviours I have observed here, rituals if you will, although I have yet to discern the purpose of such behaviours. There seem to be two main modes of activity here, one is an overt social interaction often accompanied by the consumption of flammable toxins which seems to have the effect of significantly reducing the mental capacity. The other is a more covert social interaction – this time, which they give the name “studying”, seems to involve laying open a number of books around themselves whilst sat at a computer, and then worshipping at a number of digital churches by the names of Facebook, YouTube, and Reddit. I could only assume that the placement of books has some kind of symbolic meaning however from my studies of their placement I was able to learn very little. And then it dawned on me. I now know what the enemies plans are, and we are in more danger than I could have feared.
From studying these two dominant forms of behaviour, supplemented by the two other top behaviours: mating practices and the consumption of a variety of other toxins, I can only conclude one thing: our enemy is researching a new weapon. A weapon so terrifying in concept that I hesitate to put it into words. A weapon that has the potential to wipe us all out, or at least make us all slaves, in one swoop. My masters, they are researching some kind of mental incapacity weapon. I do not yet know how, but the only conclusion I can draw is that they are researching intensely ways to make us stupid. This “university” place is actually a Petri dish, cultivating Stupid cells.
I must find a way to stop them! I am grateful that I am still incognito, for I fear if they knew who I was I would become a live guinea pig for their dastardly experiments! But now I must go, it seems my pen needs sharpening.
