I have maintained communication blackout for so long because I have infiltrated deep into enemy territory. All seems to be going well, they seem to have accepted me as one of their own completely unaware that they have an imposter in their midst. I never suspected I would be so successful in my attempts to pass as one of them, although even now every day I am constantly in fear of being exposed as a fraud.

There are many unusual behaviours I have observed here, rituals if you will, although I have yet to discern the purpose of such behaviours. There seem to be two main modes of activity here, one is an overt social interaction often accompanied by the consumption of flammable toxins which seems to have the effect of significantly reducing the mental capacity. The other is a more covert social interaction – this time, which they give the name “studying”, seems to involve laying open a number of books around themselves whilst sat at a computer, and then worshipping at a number of digital churches by the names of Facebook, YouTube, and Reddit. I could only assume that the placement of books has some kind of symbolic meaning however from my studies of their placement I was able to learn very little. And then it dawned on me. I now know what the enemies plans are, and we are in more danger than I could have feared.

From studying these two dominant forms of behaviour, supplemented by the two other top behaviours: mating practices and the consumption of a variety of other toxins, I can only conclude one thing: our enemy is researching a new weapon. A weapon so terrifying in concept that I hesitate to put it into words. A weapon that has the potential to wipe us all out, or at least make us all slaves, in one swoop. My masters, they are researching some kind of mental incapacity weapon. I do not yet know how, but the only conclusion I can draw is that they are researching intensely ways to make us stupid. This “university” place is actually a Petri dish, cultivating Stupid cells.

I must find a way to stop them! I am grateful that I am still incognito, for I fear if they knew who I was I would become a live guinea pig for their dastardly experiments! But now I must go, it seems my pen needs sharpening.

But which side of the glass am I on?

HOW DARE YOU NOT KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING!! The trick is ruined and its all your fault! You should damn well know whats in my head, and if you don’t then you should have taken some initiative and picked the right card anyway!

Stupid person.

I am Mr. Washingmachinehead, watch the thoughts spin round and round. Frantically they churn. To what end? To be “clean”? Is this just to sterilise my mind?

Then the spinning stops, and my thoughts slump to the bottom. Damp and going cold. They all just become one single lump, too heavy to move on its own.

What programme am I on? If I could figure that out maybe it would all make more sense. Someone please empty me, I want to feel light again.

Tick tock.

Every choice has consequences. You are never just choosing one thing, you are choosing how to start a chain reaction that can explode in unexpected ways.

Tick tock.

Every consequence resonates through your life, a ripple effect of dominoes and dynamite. A choice you make today could alter the entire course of your life. You never know what vast changes might come from the smallest choices.

Tick tock.

A choice of Goodness now may lead to a life of misery. A choice of Evil may result in a life of Goodness hereafter. A choice of life may result in death. What do you choose?

Tick tock.

Think fast; if you take too long you will usually find the choice is made for you. Even making no choice is a choice in itself, so don’t get caught up trying to calculate all the possible outcomes and ripples, you will never be able to and you will miss your chance to make any choice at all.

Tick tock.

You are running out of time.

“This is it,” I thought to myself as I slowly sunk downwards, “the sun is crashing into the earth and we are all just going to boil away!” By this point I was not much more than a soggy head sitting on a puddle of molten me, and the last thing I thought before my brain trickled out of my nose was “I wonder if I should have worn sun block”

But there were not to be my final thoughts. This was not the end. Through some freak occurence, some twist of heat and proteins like a one off repeat of the primordial “melting pot” from which life first sprung, I survived. Changed, but still alive. The heat of the sun was excruciatingly painful, but through forces unknown to myself I was able to will my liquid form down the nearest drain-hole and into the dark, cool, relief-bringing sewers. I stayed for some time, puddled up in an old discarded tire that chances to float by, and contemplated my new existence. It was obvious that any form of heat was highly detrimental to me, so I learned to avoid direct light and other sources of heat. I have spent the past weeks honing my ability to move myself, and can now travel above ground if I am careful. I also recently learned that somehow I seem to have merged with my phone, and have developed the ability to communicate directly with the internet. It’s not as good as it sounds though, my phone had terrible connection that was flaky as anything – it’s like having one eye shut that that randomly opens for a few minutes then shuts again.

So keep an eye open for me, if you see a wet puddle moving between the shadows be sure to give me a little wave and a smile.

And don’t forget your sunblock.

Sometimes I shake my head, banging it against the bars as I do. I think ‘maybe I can escape this way’ but I never do.

Oh how I long to be out there in the world.